An average size regret

I don't know about anyone else, but I regret a lot of things in my past.  I know, I know, I wouldn't be where I was today had those things not happened, blah blah blah.  But that really doesn't make me feel any better about all those stupid things I've done.

This past weekend I had a great conversation with S about past regrets.  We talked about how I have a hard time letting go of things and dwell on them until I feel worse than when the event actually happened and how he is able to forget those little things.  It seems like such a foreign concept: to let go of all those times I know I made a giant ass of myself.

I do know one thing though...I have learned a lot from all those times I wished I was invisible.  For instance, I will never ever attempt to be friends with someone I once dated.  Acquaintances, yes.  Friends, no.  It just doesn't work for me.  And while some people see this as an obvious way-of-life, I did not.

I also think that the word embarrassment should be thrown in here somewhere.  I certainly regret plenty of past experiences, but embarrassment is something I feel on a daily basis.  And not just for things that happen on that day.  I feel embarrassment and my face gets red for things that happened years ago.

I envy those who are able to move beyond the past and not dwell.  And I know that it will take a lot of practice and patience to someday not hold my feet to the fire every time I make a bad decision.  But I do have hope that I'll be there someday.  That someday just won't be today.